Super Bullshit XLV

Srsly?

Normally, I don't give two shits about football except for that I'd like my home team to win out of some kind of, I dunno, local pride.  Frankly, the game is simply over-complicated, stuffed far too full of meaningless rules and regulations that do nothing but glorify stats instead of just playing football.  But once a year, we get the Super Bowl.  Typically I enjoy the Super Bowl because of the food and the commercials, but working on Sundays means that now mostly the Super Bowl is background noise in the office at night.

This year I happened to catch the intro voiced by Hollywood heavyweight Michael Douglas.  At first, this might seem like an impressive little bit of filmmaking, with lots of epic moments in American history set to dramatic music.  But then you realize what's going on - Michael Douglas is comparing the sacrifices of American soldiers, the dreams of JFK and Martin Luther King Jr., the space race and more... to a football game.  


"This is so much bigger than a football game," Douglas says.


No, Michael.  I'm here to tell you... it's a fucking football game.  This is no great moment of American history; it is an over-commercialized sporting event.  The course of civilization is not changing, and nothing other than personal pride and gambling purses hinges on the outcome.  Those other things, like JFK and the civil rights movements?  Those were important parts of history, you know, things that impacted the lives of people around the world in ways that have holidays dedicated to them and get taught in history classes.  That's not what happens with football games.

It's all part of the incredible level of self-importance that football has taken on in this country, from the professional level on down to high school programs that run roughshod over art and music budgets. Of course, if I were to go out and herald  the publishing of a new comic book or release of a new movie as a momentous occasion in American history, I'd be laughed at publicly.  I'm not Michael Douglas, or the organizers of the NFL.  You know.  I don't give a shit about a bunch of fat dudes chasing a ball around a field of grass.  Whatever.

I can get into football, on occasion.  I can let the energy of a crowd carry me.  And I don't begrudge the folks that do genuinely enjoy it in a way that I don't... But this shit is just ridiculous.  It's a game.  I'm sure someone will think I'm the one taking this too seriously, but just think about that intro.  Look at the huge differences between the first and second halves.  Tell me you seriously think that the "journeys" of the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers are worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as Martin Luther King Jr.  If you can say it with a straight face, I might even believe you... but more likely I'm going to tell you that you're insane.

Rant over.